Episode #36: A Powerful OCD Thought Swap

Hello, Friend. I’m committed to bringing you tips and tools that make it easier to be freed from OCD. Today I’d like to offer you one simple and powerful thought swap that’s made a huge difference for me and for the people who have given it a try.

 

Welcome to the Free Me From OCD Podcast.We’re here to offer educational resources to help you say YES to your life by saying NO to OCD. I’m Dr. Vicki Rackner your OCD Coach and podcast host. I call on my experience as a mother of a son diagnosed with OCD when he was in college, surgeon and certified life coach to help you get in the driver’s seat of your life. My vision is to help you move towards a future in which OCD is nothing more than the background noise of your full life. We do this through education, coaching services and community support. These services are intended as an adjunct—not a substitute for therapy.

 

As I watched the Super Bowl this year, I reflected on Super Bowl Sunday a few years back that changed my life. One AHA moment helped me become a more effective OCD Champion—someone there supporting someone actively managing OCD.

 

For years, I told myself a story about OCD that went something like this: OCD is a dark, malignant  force that disrupted my family’s life. I used words like bully, monster and terrorist to describe OCD. I told a story that OCD has evil intent to harm my son and disrupt my family. 

 

Then, as I was watching the Super Bowl a few years back, I had a flash of insight. I thought, “Wow! Our family’s OCD story is being played out on the football field.

My son is like the quarterback.

 

OCD is like the offensive line, trying to keep my son safe.

 

I’m like a member of the defensive line. I want to push aside the offensive line so I can connect with my son.

 

Now, here’s where my big AHA came in. 

 

If the offensive line does its job, the quarterback performs optimally. 

 

OCD stands in the way my my son performing optimally.

 

You would never see the offensive line sacking the quarterback. Quarterback.

 

Yet OCD regularly attacks the very person they’re there to protect. And I had a story about that. It’s that OCD has evil intentions. It wants to hurt my son.  

 

What would happen if I swapped the old story—OCD had evil intentions— for a new story in which OCD has good intentions—and bad execution.

 

What if OCD is like Aunt Clara on Bewitched whose well intended  spells blow things up. Good intention—bad execution.

 

What if OCD is like the person who wants to clean the cobwebs in the corner of the kitchen. He thinks that the blow torch would be a good tool for the job and sets the kitchen on fire. Good intention; bad execution.

 

What if OCD is like a 5-year-old who wants to make mommy a birthday card. He can’t find paper, and obviously he can’t ruin the surprise by asking for some,  so he uses the wall instead. Good intention, bad execution.

 

I got curious. Could things be different for me if I swapped the old story—OCD had evil intentions— for a new story in which OCD has good intentions—and bad execution. 

 

The answer was a big YES!

 

As an OCD Champion, my own thought swap from “OCD is evil” to “OCD is trying to help “ made a huge difference in the way I acted and the results I achieved.

 

 

When I think “OCD is an evil terrorist trying to control my son’s life.”, I feel angry. I feel protective. I spring into full Mother Bear mode and want to pick up a sword and sleigh the dragon. 

 

Then I try to persuade my son to do the things I think he should be doing. I become another force trying to control my son’s life.

 

In essence, the thought, “OCD is a terrorist trying to control my son’s life” creates the experience in which I become a terrorist myself trying to control my son’s life.

 

Now, what’s my son’s experience when I try to control him?  

 

 

It’s not, “Oh, my mom’s just trying to help.” It’s, “My mom joined all the evil forces trying to control me. I’m going to keep her at a distance.”  

 

When I think “OCD is trying its best to keep my son safe.” I feel less frightened. I’m more open to the idea, “My son can learn to manage OCD.” If my son calls me seeking reassurances to get relief from his anxiety, I can say, “Hi OCD, looks like you’re working hard to keep my son safe today. Thanks for including me in your plan, but my son’s got this. Could you please put him on the line?”

 

 

Let’s take one small example that comes from an OCD Warrior—someone who hosts OCD.  

 

OCD has a habit of attacking the things that are most important to an OCD Warrior.

 

If you tell the story that OCD has evil intent, you might think, “OCD is so clever and cruel. It ruins the things I treasure most.”

 

If you tell the story OCD has good intent, you might think, “OCD is so clever and devoted. It protects the things I treasure most.” 

 

Think about how differently you feel and act when you think each of these thoughts.

 

Shari has a flair for fashion. OCD attacked it, and she decided to dress in a safe, vanilla uniform that OCD could not criticize: jeans and t-shirts every day. 

 

Now OCD was attacking her drawing. 

 

I asked Shari, “What’s the biggest fear you have about drawing?” She said, “People would tell me I’m a terrible artist. They would laugh at me.” 

 

I said, "What if OCD knows that this worries you, and wants to keep you safe. What OCD is trying to protect you by offering thoughts that will keep you from drawing?”

 

Shari said, “I could see that.”

 

I asked, “Could you imagine saying, ‘Thanks for your critique of my drawing, OCD. I know you’re just trying to keep me safe. I got this.”

 

Shari laughed. She said, “I never considered that, but I’ll try it. I really don’t want to let OCD take away my drawing.” 

 

She practiced the new thought, “OCD just wants me to be safe.” Then she and her therapist worked on drawing-related anxiety with ERP.

 

Look at there huge difference swapping just one thought did for Shari. When she thought, “OCD is evil” she gave up on something she loves—dressing fashionably. She was about to give up drawing.

 

When she thought, “OCD is trying to help” she figured out a way to do something that brought meaning to her life. Drawing.

 

That’s a picture-perfect example of what it looks like to be freed from OCD.  Pun intended.  

 

OCD knows you. It knows what you fear most. For some, it’s the fear of success. Marianne Williams says, “

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”

OCD often tries to protect you by creating your feared circumstances. 

Let’s take a last specific imaginary situation. 

 

Your child was walking, and he crossed paths with a friend. He  yelled out, “Hey” and the friend who was texting at the time didn’t look up.

 

OCD offers the thought, “You said something offensive to him, and he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. Why don’t you just give up on the idea of friends. Maybe you’re just not friend material. It’s too hard and too risky to try to make friends. How about just giving up.” 

 

If you or your child tells the story OCD has evil intentions, you might think, “OCD is trying to ruin everything that’s important to me, including my friendships.”

 

If you or your child tells the story OCD has good intentions of keeping you safe, you might think, “OCD is trying to protect me/my child from the risk of rejection.”

 

Then OCD goes into its playbook that says, “Let protect you from a feared outcome by creating it. You’re afraid of not having friends. I’ll make it so you don’t have to worry about that any more. Then I’ll keep you from even TRYING to make friends.” 

 

That’s one approach, but it wouldn’t be your first choice if you were helping your child or your partner or your friend.

 

Jeff asked me, ”Are you telling me to cut OCD some slack? That’s a terrible idea. I’ll just give OCD more rope to hang me.”  

 

If your thought, “OCD is evil” helps you, hang onto it! This thought swap is completely optional.

 

Here’s the thing. You’re not doing this thought swap for OCD’s sake. You’re doing it for your own sake. This thought swap has the potential to make it easier for you to show up as a more empowered version of yourself. It could make it easier for you to manage OCD, rather than OCD managing you.

 

No single tool is for everybody, and it may not be for you. If you’re an OCD Warrior, discuss it with your therapist before you give it a try. 

 

 

I’m sorry if I’m the first to say this to you, but you are going to be in a relationship with OCD all your life. I’m suggesting ways to reboot your relationship with OCD so that you are not controlled by OCD. You’re in control of you.

 

I’ll end with one last story.

 

I once adopted an adult dog who became available after her owner died. Elvira was as close to the perfect dog you can get—with one notable exception. She was aggressive with other dogs. This kept us from doing things like going to dog parks, I would walk her at times when we were least likely to run into dogs.

 

I hired a dog trainer to help with this dog aggression problem. The trainer Becky told me, “You have a very smart dog who was clearly a trained hunting dog. Often hunters treat their dogs more like property than like pets. I could imagine Elvira being tied up as a puppy and attacked by another dog. She sees dogs as threats.

 

Further, you’ve set up the family so that she thinks she’s the alpha. She’s trying to protect YOU from the threats from other dogs

 

OCD is trying to protect just like Elvira did. The WAY OCD does it is the cause of the problem, just as it was for my dog.

 

Becky the dog trainer said, “The solution is for you to step up and be the alpha. Elvira’s brain is hard-wired. You will have a happier, healthier family when you—not Elvira —step into the alpha role. ”

 

I’m telling you that it’s important for you to step up and be the alpha in your life. OCD is a strong alpha, just like my dog Elvira was. Rebooting your relationship with OCD can be hard, just like it was in my house.”

 

Becky told me specific things I could do that establish my leadership. Eating first. Being the first to go out the doors.

 

I’m suggesting that this thought swap could make it easier for you to become the alpha in your life.

 

That’s what I’ve got for you today. Experiment swapping the thought ”OCD is evil” with “OCD is there to keep me safe.” 

 

When you make any changes around OCD, you want to do it safely. So, if you’re an OCD Warrior, discuss this with your therapist before trying it. I promise you that OCD will kick up some sand when you try new things.

 

If you’re an OCD Champion Caregiver, get support! 

 

I want to thank you so much for listening. If no one’s said this yet to you today, I’ll say that I see and admire your courage. I know what it’s like to have OCD in your family. Even though I don’t personally know you, I believe in your ability to be freed from OCD. 

 

If you found value in this podcast, please hit the subscribe button. It makes it easier for others struggling with OCD to find this resource.

 

Thank you again. You’ve got this!